It’s an amazing experience to have finished something I’ve been working on for so long; after 8 years of hard work I’m finally graduating. If there’s any feeling in the world close to that, is walking away with your head and dignity held high from a place where you were appreciated as nothing else than an object.
You would think that these kinds of situations are subjected to a specific group of women that are selectively chosen, but in reality every woman has experienced sexual harassment, at least 5 times.. and counting.
I personally went from being a listener to play the main character of my own tale. I am no stranger to harassment though, I’ve lived it enough for a woman my age, to even think twice before going out. Harassment overall is horrible and frustrating but the kind I experienced throughout a whole year was completely different.
I don’t know how normal, cool or nice men think this kind of behavior is, or if they actually realize how uncomfortable it makes us but one thing is sure, it’s highly unpleasant to feel like bait among a group of wolves.
In my case, it began as a likable gesture of trying to help me with work, making things easier for me or something as random as a nice compliment. Never would I ever imagine this would unleash into a beast so consuming. The danger of this kind of harassment (not always) is, the aggressor acts subtlety and starts building some kind of relation with you. Your co-worker, boss, teacher or just someone at a superior or higher position, someone you see and share with every day, almost inevitable to prevent.
Somewhere in between the “apparent kindness”, I can’t explain what changes; I’ve even questioned myself just in case I was giving the wrong signals by been too disposed, but nothing you can ever imagine excuses your aggressor; we have to stop feeling guilt or victim shaming people for what they go through.
I’ve finally started to feel comfortable enough to merge with the rest. So, one day he approaches with a proposal, to go to the movies, have dinner together, or drive me home later, etc… You know, maybe he’s just nice, I thought to myself. He takes advantage of every opportunity there’s no one around, he asks if i drink alcohol, who do i live with, if I have a boyfriend, he even suggests me to save his number in case I’m “interested” or need help; I’ve been around enough to know he is married/ has a girlfriend, however that clearly doesn’t stop him from his intentions. I politely declined with an anxious smile, I don’t want this to go any further, I’m the new intern, afraid of raising my voice too much, i don’t want to make an scandal, get in trouble or being perceived as a “bitch”…
Maybe i should’ve been a bitch.
Nevertheless he doesn’t take a NO for an answer, his only excuse is that he really likes me, his relationship status is not an obstacle when we can both have fun, I recall him saying.
When i least expect it my nightmare is completed. While I’m busy doing my work during one of my shifts he approaches from behind, grabs my waist as he whispers other assignments I have to do later. I keep doing my work robotically trying to ignore what just happened. Am I being paranoid, Where do I run?
Over the days he doesn’t realize I’ve taken distance, and neither cares. He does not waste a moment to get close, make a comment about my appearance, touch or rub me in a subtlety inappropriate way.
He needed my attention, so the innuendos began; blatantly letting them out even with other people around, his colleagues, they find it funny, they’re from the same herd. But I’m not laughing. So that assures me his power and hypocrisy, his behavior is supported, he doesn’t care about consequences because he’s feels entitled or maybe there aren’t any.
Why didn’t I speak out, raised my voice, and put these men in their places? Where do you denounce this kind of behavior? How am I sure it won’t affect my grades, get me in trouble or make any other woman in the same situation lose their job? Is there a law that protects us, is it effective enough? How do I prove he touched me inappropriately or he said something indecent? Is his word against mine, isn’t it?
My only relief was that this was temporary. I’ve been rotating through several hospitals for a whole year, I’m a medicine student. You would be surprised of how frequent this practice is in the environment I work. You’d think they’re poorly educated, and you’re right, but they are also professionals, doctors in my case, engineers, lawyers, CEO of companies, men in positions of power, or maybe just as random as the guy you walked by on the street or the one behind you in a crowded bus, rubbing his genitals against you.
I believe I’m strong enough ‘cause I managed to survive a year where I learned so much through both positive and negative experiences. There’s a slight feeling of success in being able to walk out of each one of those hospitals knowing I was faithful to myself and my principles, but is still bitter, because the wolves go on and on, until a prey steps into their nest.
If there’s something in the world that can top this success, would be the day I, us women in general, can finally walk out of home without been afraid of what the predators await outside.
I am lucky because my experiences are not even close to the hell many other women around the world live through, but maybe alarming enough in a country that registers more than a hundred feminicides every year.
Luz del Alba King… :))
Call Me Crazy!! 